a fast from the noise

Just last week we had some people working on our roof at our church’s building. Outside my window was an air compressor for their nail guns. It ran all day, non-stop. I read, emailed, met with a few people, and lived with the noise all day long. Finally, just after 5 PM the compressor shut off. It was then I realized how I had become used to the noise. I had functioned in it all day long. It was only when it was shut off that I realized how distracting the compressor was.

In that moment I had an idea. What if I shut the noise out of my life for a time? The reality is that we live in a world filled with noise. Everywhere. All the time. Noise.

As I write this, I am sitting in my office in the building where our church gathers. No one is here but me, which may lead some to believe that it is quiet. But this is not true. The truth is that noise is all around us all the time. Non-stop. If you do not believe me, stop right now, and listen. It is there. A constant drone. And it is not just the noise that you can hear with your ears.

There is the noise of email, Twitter, Facebook, IM-ing, and the constant bombardment of commercial advertising (conservative estimates say that the average American is confronted by over 2,000 slogans and corporate logos each day), and the list goes on and on. It is always there, like an air compressor outside our office window. The more I have become aware of this noise the more I have longed for silence.

When the noise fades there is suddenly space for a lot of other things. Things that have been drowned out by the noise that are more scared and beautiful than all the noise itself. We create space to listen to our own hearts and our own thoughts. We open up time to actually speak to another human being rather than leaving it up to our status update or email. Most importantly we can become more attentive to hearing the still, small voice of God speaking to us, nourishing our hearts and souls.

These thoughts have been rolling around in my head for over a month along with the question, “Is it even possible to notice how loud and annoying our world is until we shut it off?” Through this I have spoken with some friends, sought the counsel of our church leadership, and listened to their hearts. In all of this I have decided to take a fast from the noise – at least the noise I can control.

For the month of November (beginning Sunday, November 1) I will be off email, my blog, Twitter, Facebook, all televison, all radio, and all media (magazine, newspaper, online news sources).

To supplement the noise and the time I spend each day dedicated to email and blogging I am going to replace that time with prayer and meditation. Praying that I will be more absorbed into communion with God.

To supplement the time I spend in the evenings watching playoff baseball or The Office, I am going to spend time reading through the Bible, at least once. It has been a couple of years since I read straight through the Bible, and so I am going to begin November 1 and read through it as many times as I am able.

My hope is that as I turn down the volume on the noise in this world, I will turn up the volume increasingly on the voice of God as he speaks to my heart and soul. Henri Nouwen writes, “In a world that victimizes us by its compulsions (and noise), we are called to a solitude where we can (turn down the volume of our world) and struggle against our anger and greed and let our new self be born in the loving encounter with Jesus Christ.” (Italics Mine).

And so it is that I turn off the air compressors in my world and bask in the solitude of silence.

sex and violence

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no need to fear

As I was driving today I had the radio on scan. It filtered through the stations skipping to the next station automatically. Station after station came and went. I finally stopped it on a talk show.

I listened for a time as the host was telling anyone who would listen including me that our country is moving full steam ahead in the direction of socialism. Socialism, according to him, leads to a communist government, which leads to fascism, which leads to citizens being denied rights (such as free speech), and ultimately the loss of religious freedom.

He cited example after example of nations that were socialist, and already the churches in those countries were dead. The death of the church in these nations he blamed on the socialistic principles of the government. He gave a stern warning to Christians to rise up and reclaim our nation.

This was not the first time I have heard such a thing. Recently on a social networking website a comment was directed toward me that said, “Once they have conquered health care, cap and tax and have taxed the wealthy out of business, they will come after churches that don't toe the party line. Wake up and take the rose colored glasses off!” One person recently told me that the plan of the socialists was to destroy the Christian faith, and cited the time when our President said the USA was not a Christian nation.

All of this fear and anger may want to pause, and review Church history. For it is precisely under oppression, persecution, and beneath religious intolerance that the Church is at her finest. Conversely, it is when the government tries to control the church that the Church is at her worst. When the Church becomes a tool for the government this is when the message of the gospel is compromised.

The Church flourished in the Roman Empire when it was a considered a rogue cult. Its members were called atheists because they did not believe Caesar was a god. They were burned, maimed, raped, fed to wild animals, and crucified. Yet, those in the early church refused to serve in the government or in the military because they saw how incongruent the Kingdom of Heaven was with the Empire of Rome. It was when Constantine legalized Christianity, that the Church began to slowly devolve. It was institutionalized and controlled by government. Over time, Rome became a “christian nation."

Eventually the cross of Christ (on which violence was done to him for the redemption of the world) became the very symbol used on the banners and weaponry of the Crusaders. The cross, the ultimate symbol of violence for the Roman Empire, had now become the symbol of violence for the Crusades. Those who fought heard the battle cry of Pope Urban II, a leader of the Holy Roman Empire, who said, “Deus Vult!” (God Wills It). With God on their side, the State and the Church embarked on a holy war.

The Apartheid Regime in South Africa used to give bibles to their military personnel and tell them, “This is your greatest weapon.” Eugene DeKock, the captain of the death squads for the Apartheid Regime, recalls having “bible studies” before he and his men would raid villages killing unarmed men, women, and children.

One part of Church history that is often ignored is that it is often the state sponsored religion that kills the Church, not a fascist government. The death of many churches in Europe has to do more with what the Church has become as a state sponsored religion. Our current Post-Christian world has little to with Christians being oppressed, and more to do with twisting the message of Jesus into an idea that itself is oppressive.

When Christianity is co-opted by a government, and they become a Christian nation, the Church, Christianity, and Jesus himself are made ugly by the imperial dreams of the nation’s leaders. In contrast, when religious intolerance, fascism, and the removal of rights are the reality for a nation, Christianity grows.

Throughout Church history it is in the darkest places that the light shines brightest. In 1950 China became closed to missionaries and Christianity. It is estimated that there were a million Christians living in China at that time. Today estimates say there are 100 million Christians in China. I have friends, who have spent time with the churches there, who tell me of the powerful faith, love, and hope that exists in the Church there.

Indonesia is the largest Islamic country in the world. It is a dangerous place for Christians. Yet estimates suggest that nearly a million people join the Church in that country every year. On the continent of Africa. A place ravaged by war, famine, and disease the Church is flourishing. Even under the threat of torture and death in Darfur, people are still committing themselves to Jesus.

While this is happening in those countries, no one is on the radio or social networking sites demanding their rights. No one is attacking the government for making Christianity illegal. This is because they understand the Kingdom of Heaven is incompatible with the empires of this world. I recently met a fellow from Afghanistan who was a Christian. He told me that he had to “be secret” in his country just to stay alive. He then smiled when he told me about those who had chosen to follow Jesus.

I asked him how I could pray for him. He said, “Pray that I would have courage to share my faith, because my country needs the love of Jesus.” He never spoke about the government. He did not say that one party or the other needed to get into office to change the laws. He understood that it began with him and his community of faith.

If we disagree politically, fine. Let’s speak like adults. Stop calling names. Listen to one another. Understand the full scope of the issue. Educate ourselves about legislation. All these things are important, and there are bound to be multiple opinions. But none of them should evoke fear about the future of the Church. For there is no reason to fear.

Maybe there is so much anger is because underneath it all is fear. Fear that our big buildings, slick programs, nice power point presentations, bible filled shelves, religious (and offensive) bumper stickers, religious radio, and the whole bit will have to go away. Maybe there is fear that our feeling of being in control and having influence in the highest echelons of power might be taken from us. Maybe the fear is rooted is a sense of entitlement and a fear of oppression.

But for those who are following Jesus, we need not fear for our king is alive and well. And, should all this does happen … stand back, for the Church in America just might be at her best.

solution side

One of my friends and mentors Jim Liske had a lot of sayings. For those of you who know him, you also know about his sayings. Things like, "Thin edge of the wedge." "Do the ask." "Land the plane." And the list could go on ... and on ... and yes it could well keep on going.

One thing he used to say that would often turn conversation in a brand new direction was one of my favorite of his particular sayings. “Get solution side.” What he meant was, “Good you have identified the problem, stop beating that dead horse. What is the solution to that problem.” Someone would speak about a problem, and he would say, “Get solution side.”

I recall one conversation when I was complaining about something and he dropped the “solution side” thing. I knew where he was going, but I really wanted to complain about the problem. He once again said his “solution side” mantra, and I found myself getting irritated. Did he not know how good it was feeling to complain about my problem?

I know that others have felt the same thing. People generally like to complain about things. And not just complain, but really complain. And not just really complain, but really complain to as many people who are willing to listen. As if this is not enough, those to whom they complain compound the perceived problem.

You may know how this goes. If a person has something or someone that bothers them, often they will tell another person. More often than not, the person listening to the complaining, in an attempt at empathy, replies by lodging their own complaint about that same something or someone that has been identified as a perceived problem. They go back and forth about a particular perceived problem, until at last they begin repeating their initial complaints, then they know it is time to stop.

It is not just complaining about a perceived problem either. People use fear mongering when speaking about something they perceive as a problem. Generate enough fear and the problem will get bigger. If the perceived problem is worse more people will get on the side of hate. But this does not work. People rarely develop good, creative, sustainable solutions when they are rooted in fear.

Some, when speaking of a perceived problem choose their language recklessly and use slander or hate speech. In doing this, they demonize the perceived problem. Then we can really objectify the perceived problem, especially if it is a person. But this does not work. No good comes about from tearing down a person or a group of people. If one is weaker because of our vilifying him or her, we are all weaker.

The most popular form of speaking about a perceived problem that I have encountered is mockery and sarcasm. It is also the hardest to detect for the one issuing the mocking rhetoric can always say, “I was joking.” But they are not joking. With every jab, bite, and smirk the true feelings of the person lies just beneath. Alas, this also does not work. The more we denigrate with words, the more trivial the perceived problem becomes, and over time we cease to look upon it with any urgency whatsoever.

We expend all of this energy what is accomplished? Nothing. Something or someone who was identified as the problem has only become the object or victim of harsh criticism. They only result is that the complainers, fear mongers, slanderers, and mockers feel justified (not to mention more deeply entrenched) in their own opinion (or dogma) about a particular problem.

So when someone throws out a “solution side”, many would rather not. To get to the solution requires more of us than simple complaining. It requires understanding the thing or person who is bothering us. This requires listening, learning, educating ourselves and possibly giving up preconceived notions about what we thought about the thing or person believed to be the problem (it may even mean that we recognize we are the problem!).

With this new knowledge of the problem, we are then forced to think about solutions. This is where it gets tricky. This means more listening, learning, educating ourselves and possibly giving up preconceived notions about what we thought about the thing or person believed to be the problem.

Then we have to instigate the solution. We have to generate a plan that makes sense for all those involved, and that all involved can agree to. We need to explain why we are doing what we are doing. We need to be able to accurately define the problem without complaining, gossiping, mocking, or slandering.

We are forced to give reasons why it is a problem (based on education and research not on our own opinions), and why our solution (also based on education and research not our own opinions) will work. In all of this we have to walk to the end of the solution all while being able to listen and change course when necessary.

This “solution side” thing is starting to sound like a problem, isn’t it? While it may be a problem, it may well get us to the other side. Just imagine what our world would be like if people listened, treated those who disagreed with a smidge of dignity like those who disagree were actually made in the image of God, and stopped using mocking names. Could you imagine a place where people of every persuasion began working together to get “solution side?” That would be something.

As for me, I say we get “solution side.” Can we stop using complaining, fear mongering, slander, hate speech, and sarcasm as substitutes for real solutions to all of our perceived problems (religious, political, familial, social, etc.)? If you disagree with something, great. But why? What is your solution? Does it work? If you do not have a solution save all of us the misery of hearing more complaining ... stop, think, listen, learn, develop a thought, and then speak with intelligence (that is my solution to the mire we find ourselves in).

And one more note, if you think this blog is a problem, that is fine. But why? “Get solution side.”

at the bottom

This last week our faith our faith community spent our time together on Sunday learning, studying, and thinking about desire. Which, if not an entirely tricky thing, it is certainly often a misunderstood thing. Last Tuesday afternoon I was at the library reading about desire, want, and passion. As I did I began to meditate on the idea of desire … and felt God speaking to me about what I desire. In my notes I wrote, “Some say that we have too much passion … the hell we do, we are not passionate enough!”

So often we mix up God given desire with misguided desire such as lust, materialism, greed, or covetousness. In wrongly pursuing what we think we want we expose a dark side of desire. Because of the dark side we want to curb desire, when in reality we should fan God given desires into a raging fire. The Bible is filled with positive talk of desire. And when the Bible speaks about desire it does not just speak about desiring God, his words, or his presence. The Bible actually gets sexual.

The Bible has a book of poetry that is steamier than anything Danielle Steele could create in her warped novels wrongly labeled under the genre "romance". It is a book with better one-liners than Cameron Crowe created in the movie Jerry Macguire. The book of poetry is a coversation between a man and a woman who are very much in love with one another.

In one section of this book the young woman is speaking to the young man, and says, “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.” This is unbelievably provocative language, and in the midst of it she uses the word “delight”, which is the Hebrew word chamad – elsewhere translated as desire. This young woman is speaking about her sexual desire for her lover.

To want something is not bad. Even if that something you want is to give yourself away in a sexual relationship. We all have desire hardwired inside of us, and are meant to live as people who attend to our desires. But like all good things, when desire gets twisted we get ourselves into trouble. Rather than run from any and all desire we ought to recognize that desire is good - even sexual desire, in its proper context.

But there is another dark side to desire other than acting on desire in an inappropriate way like lust or greed. For some it is not acting on desire at all. Are there God given desires that we refuse, that we do not take up, that we push away, or that we say “No” to? Are there good longings deep within us that we ignore because we believe we are not good enough, walk away from because we are fearful of what others may think, or because we have been lied to and told we do not deserve that sort of thing? Have we ignored our truest yearnings because we are trying to live out someone else’s desires for us?

I recently met with a guy who is at a crossroads in his life. He kept asking about what he should do with his life, and told me of several options before him. I asked him, “What do you really want down deep inside?” He told me about his deepest passion for mentoring young people. As he did his eyes lit up, and he began speaking faster and was altogether more animated. I then said, “Not one of the options you have talked about have anything to do with mentoring young people.” He knew it. I knew it. He was pushing down his desire.

As I thought about this guy and studied at the library about God given desire; I realized that in my own life I have pushed down desire. I have flatly ignored some of the God given longings in my life for one reason or another. I began to go back through my life and realized that much of my anger, frustration, and discouragement that I have encountered along the way was related to my denying my deepest passions. It was not that I was too passionate, but not passionate enough.

Theologian and psychologist Gerald May, wrote in his book Simply Sane about those who bury desire. He speaks about the anxiety, anger, and fear that enter the lives of people who bury desire. He said, “Searching beneath anxiety, one will find fear. And beneath fear hurt will be discovered. Beneath the hurt will be guilt; beneath the guilt lie rage and hatred. But do not stop with this, for beneath the rage lies frustrated desire. Finally, beneath and beyond desire is love. In every feeling, look deeply. Explore without ceasing. At bottom, love is.”

We need to keep going deeper and deeper. As I have unearthed my God given desires in my own time with God (and with the help of people who know me well and still love me), and pursued those things; my anxiety, fear, hurt, guilt, rage, and hatred have begun to dissipate. As God has begun to do the beautiful work of taking away anger, fear, and woundedness my yearnings have been released to grow. I have begun to see that as big as my anger was, that when properly attended to, my desires are so much bigger than my anger could ever be. For my anger and discouragement were the result of my longings being crushed.

I was sitting in the library last Tuesday, and began to write my deepest desires. I took time to listen to my soul. I asked God to reveal what I really wanted. My writing could barely keep up with my thoughts. The more I wrote, the more I saw God simply telling me to be me. Him telling me to do what my heart has always wanted to do, and to do it for his kingdom. I began to see myself as God sees me, as a dearly loved kid, and I realized that he was at the bottom of all my desires – because all desire is about a deeper desire, and at bottom, love is.